


Soldier

by Silverock



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: M/M, Not AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-02
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-10-21 00:23:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 21,066
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17632586
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Silverock/pseuds/Silverock
Summary: RE-EDITED. Brian McCook/Katya comes back from rehab having understood he wants his relationship with best friend Brian Firkus/Trixie Mattel to be more than just friendship. Will his feelings be reciprocated? Will a heartfelt balad bring the two together?Fluff, smut, and all things wonderful in the world, including cameos of some of our favorite queens of course.





	1. Home Bound

**Brian McCook's POV**

It was rough. These past few months have been an endless battle against myself, and every voice in my head that has led me to believe I needed to use drugs again. Relapse is multifaceted, but it is mainly absolutely embarrassing. My relapse was made so much harder because I had to hide it from the person closest to me in the world, and with whom I have shared my darkest secrets and most honest moments. I was so embarrassed, and so aware of how disappointed he would be once he found out, that the guilt ate at me in a way that pushed me further down the rabbit hole.

The breaking point was hard. Brian was devastated when he found out. But far more than he was devastated, he became determined to do everything he could for me to recover. He said any business ties between us are being put on hold for an indefinite amount of time, and of course insisted that I enter a rehabilitation center the very next day.

Rehab was miserable, but necessary. However, what truly pushed me through this excruciating process was Brian calling me every single day, having heart-felt conversations on the days I was breaking down completely and telling me the weirdest stories on the days I just wanted to have a reason to laugh. Knowing that he was so caring, that he wanted me to rehabilitate even more than I wanted it myself, was at times the only thing pushing me to continue, and to get better. I just wanted to go back home and have one of our sleepovers, cuddling as if it was the most natural thing in the world, taking turns at being the small spoon according to who needed to be held more that night. Oftentimes I would be the big spoon, because I wanted to feel I have at least one way to make Brian feel as safe and loved as I did whenever he merely looked at me.

It wasn't a usual friendship we have concocted, I am aware. But it's ours, and it works for us. The issue is that during my time in rehab I became increasingly aware of the fact my feelings for Brian may run deeper than friendship. Admittedly, I have had a crush on him from the very first minute I laid eyes on him, and I have been quite vocal about it. But at first I believed it was more to do with the physical nature of our friendship, as well as the amazing connection we had immediately. Now I know this isn't a sporadic crush, these feelings go deep. His face is the image clearest in my mind, more than my own face, even after months of not seeing him in person. His laughter is a more memorable sound to me than Roxxxy Andrews' verse in Read U Wrote U. And that goes to say something.

He's coming over tonight and I can barely contain my emotions. I cleaned my apartment like I never have before, I bought 10 DVDs of movies that are not streamed on Netflix and he might like to watch, and I even put sheets on my bed. This man has saved my life in ways I cannot express, and I'm already finding myself needing to resist the urge to jump on him and kiss him as soon as he walks through my door.

**Brian Firkus' POV**

I haven't seen Brian in a few long months. And not that I would ever even try to compare this to what he went through, but these months have been absolutely miserable for me. Seeing him on FaceTime every single day he was in rehab was, in all honesty, sometimes more for my own sake than it was for his. I needed to know he was okay, or at least that he was going to be okay. Seeing a person you love so much cry and break down and go down a spiraling road is heart breaking. These months apart from Brian have highlighted to me just how major of a place he has in my life, to the extent where I can no longer imagine even a day going by without at least speaking to him, and having him send me a god awful selfie making the ugliest faces. But, of course, his face will still be the most beautiful thing in the world to me.

The realization that my feelings for Brian have morphed into something very different from friendly was hard for me. I don't know if these feelings are reciprocated in any way, or if telling him now would be right for him and his mental stability that is so much more fragile than I ever wish it were. I resolved with myself to be his friend primarily, and show him with my actions just how much I care about him, and that he's the most important person in my life.

Taking a deep breath, I knock on his door. My heart is nearly beating out of my chest and the guitar case strapped across it is not making things better. He opens the door. Fuck he's so beautiful. Without hesitation, we leap into each other's arms in a hug that is long overdue. It feels absolutely amazing, like a puzzle piece that has fallen perfectly into place, and like I'm complete again. Brian smells faintly of cigarettes and his amazing cologne, and I breathe him in as deeply as I can.

"This guitar case is making hugging you far more difficult than it should be." Brian remarks. I laugh as I proceed to remove the case as quickly as I can so I could be in his arms again.

"Better?" I ask as I pull him in again. It feels like home.

"I'm just hoping you can't feel my gigantic boner right now." He's the funniest man alive. Period.

We break apart after a long time, and we both sit down on his couch, easily falling back into our natural dynamic. As we sit I notice this is the manliest Brian has appeared to be in all the years I have known him. His arms are now almost entirely covered in tattoos and since he decided to put a pause on doing drag, he's been letting a short beard grow. I love it. He's stunning, and it takes all the power I have in me not to jump him right then and there.

"I would offer you something to drink but I got back yesterday and literally all I have is sea salt and aspirin." Brian says as he turns to face me on the couch.

"It's okay I'm used to your terrible hosting skills, it's your cuddling that has maintained this friendship so far." I say without thinking. I blush a little and notice Brian does too, and there is also a little sparkle in his eyes as he laughs.

"Can I please know why you felt the urge to bring a guitar to this social interaction mister skinny legend Tracy Martel?" He asks, eyeing my guitar that was sitting against the door.

"Why yes of course." I answer and get up, walking to retrieve my guitar. I wrote a song for and about Brian, and I just felt as if I cannot wait a single second longer for him to hear it. Not sending him a video of me playing it while he was in rehab was hard enough as it is. "I wrote something for you and I've been dying for you to hear it." I start, getting emotional already. "I really hope you know just how much I missed you and how important you are to me and to this world as a whole. I would do absolutely anything for you to be happy and to help you learn just to relax every now and then."

As I finish my speech I start playing the chords to my song Soldier, that I wrote for Brian a few weeks after he started rehab, struggling to express how desperately I wanted him to get back on his feet.

 _"Weirdness follows me wherever I go._  
_Weirdness seems to know me even better than I seem to know myself_  
_I'm someone else..."_

I can't stop looking at Brian as I play, hoping he would understand through this song that I'm here and I'm trying as hard as I can to understand his pain.

 _"Woah woah woah woah_  
_you've got time to grow._  
_Oh soldier, take you time_  
_No one said the words all have to rhyme, and if they do it's fine_  
_And even if they don't, no one needs to know_  
_Woah woah soldier, you gotta let things go."_

Brian's eyes start to tear up, and it makes me so emotional I nearly stumble with the chords. But I have to finish this song, so I could hold him again in my arms.

As I come to the final verse of the song Brian has tears streaming down his cheeks without stop, and I notice a tear dropping on my guitar, realizing I had started crying as well. I finish the song and the room is flooded with a deafening silence. I put down my guitar and open my mouth to speak, but Brian beats me to it.

**Brian McCook's POV**

"I feel like you tore out my heart and chopped it with a butcher knife." I say, miserably trying to convey how I feel at this very instant, tears streaming down my face. No one has ever given me a more beautiful gift than this song that shows how deeply Brian knows the crooks and crevices of my tormented soul.

"What?" Brian asks, confused, and I see a glimpse of hurt in his eyes. I quickly realize he may have misinterpreted my convoluted sentence.

I jump up immediately and rush to hug him tight to my body, holding him as close as I can and breathing him in. He immediately wraps his arms around me and I feel his body relax into mine as he understands it was my stupid emotions not letting me formulate a better phrase.

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me Brian." I say into his neck, nearly whispering, as I try to calm my racing heartbeat. It's time to say everything. "This song," I start, looking into his gorgeous brown eyes, "it's a testament not only of your talent, or how amazing of a friend you are, but of the fact that you know me better than anyone else ever could. It's... frightening, to be honest." I laugh a little, nervous to see how Brian reacts to what I'm going to say, but I no longer have the option to stay quiet about how I feel.

Brian brings his hand to my cheek and I instinctively lean into it a little. "It shouldn't frighten you, Bri, it should tell you how incredible you must be if I know you this well and choose every single day to call you my best friend." He smiles, and my heart absolutely melts at the sight.

"Sometimes I wish you called me something else..." I begin to say, mustering the nerve finally to admit my feelings. How could I not? This man in front of me has dedicated himself to this odd relationship between us, and I could never express my gratitude. But I sure as hell am going to try every day of my life.

"You mean something like Barbara, or Maureen?" He asks jokingly, and I can't tell if he really doesn't understand. I never hid the fact that I'm attracted to Brian or Trixie, but maybe has been preventing both of us from understanding just how deeply this attraction runs.

I raise my hand to hold his cheek now too. "I mean that I want to be more than your best friend." I say, and Brian raises his eyebrows, but I continue. "I really like you, Bri. No, actually scratch that, I'm head over hooker heels in love with you."

Instead of answering, Brian closes the barely existent distance between our lips and crashes his lips onto mine. I'm so shocked I can barely move, the proverbial butterflies in my stomach causing havoc. As soon as I feel his tongue brushing against my lips I snap back into reality and open my mouth to deepen the kiss. This must be what heaven feels like.

**Brian Firkus' POV**

I have kissed Brian many times before, both as Trixie and Katya and as Brian squared. Although I hated having his disgusting red lipstick mix with my perfect pink lips, I never refused a kiss from Katya and even initiated a few, either on stage or on our web series. As Brians we kissed a few times in truth or dare games on tours, and of course on that night in Boston when we stayed at Brian's with Courtney Act and he tried to have sex with me. However, none of those kisses came near to this one. I was breathless, but I couldn't take my lips off him, and I was wondering how his smoker lungs were coping with it. Just as that thought crosses my mind Brian breaks the kiss apart, wrapping his arms around my neck and leaning his forehead against mine, breathing heavy.

"Your dad was right." He jokes, referencing what I had said after we kissed on the Besties for Cash episode.

"Oh my god I'm gonna have red lipstick smeared on me all the time now, huh?"

"Umm... See, I know you might think that answer clears things up for me, but it really doesn't." Brian says, and I can tell his anxiety is starting to gnaw at him.

"Okay, then let's clear things up." I say as I wrap my arms around his waist and bring him even closer to me. "I am so fucking in love with you that while you were gone I slept some nights in the disgusting Contact t-shirt you left at my place. I am so in love with you that I watched that freaking movie while you were gone. I am so in love with you that I carry a picture of you in my goddamned wallet you Russian whore."

"Why are you so obsessed with me?" Brian says in his white girl voice and takes a few steps back like he's disgusted. I'm having none of it though, I waited far too long to tell him how I feel, and to hold him. Knowing that my feelings are reciprocated feels better than winning any crown or 100,000$ check.

"Shut up you cunt." I pull him back to me and laugh.

"Make me daddy." He blinks his stunning blue-green eyes innocently, and I already cannot wait for his weird sense of humor to accompany me for the rest of my fucking life. I kiss him with all the feelings I have in my heart, trying to prove to him in any emotional and physical way how much I adore him.

Hours later we lie in bed, with him lying on my chest, our fingers intertwined and our legs entangled like a human pretzel. We sort of silently agreed not to take anything too far tonight. Obviously, there's nothing I want more than to make love to Brian, but it can wait until I feel that he is stable and ready for all that crossing that border between us entails. There is a lot that needs to be figured out, but right now we're exchanging small kisses and laughing as we watch youtube videos, and it feels pretty damn perfect.


	2. A New Day

**Brian Firkus' POV**

I wake up to the sound of a camera snap and Brian muttering "Fuck." Opening my eyes, I see a shirtless blonde man with his iphone taking pictures of me. What a gorgeous dumbass.

"I would think that being the creepy person you are you'd know to mute your phone before snapping pictures of sleeping people." I say laughing, grabbing his hand to pull him down next to me so I could kiss him good morning.

He pecks my lips gently. "I think I became too accustomed to it being dead bodies that I forgot breathing people can hear." He jokes and tosses his phone aside, climbing on top of me. "Good morning." He says and leans down to kiss me more properly, our tongues lazily playing with the other's as my hands stroke his bare back. This new-found intimacy between us is everything I dreamt of and more. My hands move to his hair and his lips move to scatter kisses along my jaw and down my neck. When he finds a particularly sensitive point beneath my ear a moan escapes my lips and he begins to suck on the place, driving me half mad. Before any mark could be formed, however, his phone starts ringing.

He picks it up and I whimper at the loss of his touch, but he remains on top of me as he answers, mouthing "Courtney" so I would know who's calling, putting the phone on speaker.

**Brian McCook's POV**

"Okay you asshole," Shane begins, "you've been home long enough, now can we finally see your rehabilitated mug?"

I laugh and ask "Who's we?"

"Justin, Aaron, Danny, Roy, Willam, Jerick, the whole shabang gang."

"Actually that sounds wonderful, we would love to come see you." I'm hoping that Shane wouldn’t notice my slip, automatically referring to Brian and I without even noticing. I think Brian enjoyed hearing that, however, because he smiles and starts kissing my neck like I kissed his before. The bitch.

"We being you and the wife I assume?" Yeah, didn’t really think he would miss it.

"Hey, I'll have you know Tracy Martel is a woman of grace and dignity by her own virtue, and will not be shrunk into merely being someone's wife." Brian bites his approval into my neck and I hold back a groan as my eyes roll back. It's incredible how easily he has understood my body.

"Alright, don't get your tucking panties in a bunch miss thing. Let's have a nice and peaceful get together at Justin's place tonight at seven thirty alright?"

"Yes ma'am, I'll make sure to find a place for that in my overflowing schedule."

"See you and the missus then, shitface." He says and hangs up. Drag queens sure do cuss a lot.

"I will literally murder you." I shake my head at Brian who's smugly smirking up at me. I grasp his hands in mine, pinning them above his head. "You think you're cleaver don't you?"

"I mainly just think it's hot watching you try to have a conversation with a raging boner." He laughs and leans up to kiss me.

I kiss him passionately back as I push my hips down to prove his words. He audibly gasps into my mouth at the over-the-fabric touch between our morning woods. It sends shivers up my spine and I get even harder, suddenly feeling like my body is going to catch on fire.

"Not that I want to kill the moment or anything," Brian says as he breaks our kiss, "but I'm becoming really self-conscious about the fact I haven't brushed my teeth yet."

I laugh as I pull on his hands so we're both at a sitting position. "Let's go smelly cat." I say as I jump off the bed, with Brian hot on my tail chasing me to the bathroom and spanking my ass. "Don't start what you can't finish young lady." I remark and wink at Brian, who looks far too good for having just woken up.

**Brian Firkus' POV**

Brian and I brush our teeth side by side, his toothbrush red and mine pink of course. This feels wonderfully domestic and I can’t help but smile to myself.

"Can we shower together, or do you feel like it might be too soon?" Brian asks, and I'm a little taken aback. On the one hand, I'm trying to be as cautious as I can with this new dynamic between us, taking baby steps almost. On the other hand, I don't want to leave his side for even a second.

"Of course we can." I answer with a smile, overcome by my desire to be engulfed by his arms again. "But no funny business." I add, just so I'd be able to say I warned him once he gets expectedly handsy.  

"Oh don't fool yourself into believing you can keep your hands off this." He says, and drops his pants to reveal his fully erect cock. Impressive. I blush at the sudden sight and get pretty freaking hard myself. He notices with a smile and goes into the shower and turns on the water.

"Well I have quite a lot going down here for myself so I think I'll manage." I say and quickly drop my pants as well, like a band-aid, hoping it'll install a fake sense of confidence in me.

Brian's eyes immediately fall to my hard dick and he subconsciously licks his lips. Hot as motherfucking hell. That spurs me to come join him under the running water, which are the exact temperature I love. Maybe we were meant to be.

Brian warps his arms around me and kisses my lips so softly I nearly think I imagined it. I think it was his way to convey that we can take things as slow as I want. I find it so sweet that while I was thinking of him and the pace in which we should take things for his own sake, he has been thinking about me and my feelings. God I'm in love with this man.  

I smile against his lips and reach around to grab my shampoo, pouring some into his hands as well and we begin to lather our scalps while making funny faces at one another. Brian then takes the soap and pours some into my hands as well, but instead of washing himself he begins to massage my skin with it, turning me around so he could do my back as well. He then wraps his arms around my waist and starts kissing my neck and shoulder, washing my torso. His touch is so soothing and his kisses are like fire on my skin. I lean my head back against his shoulder and he whispers "Can I touch you baby?"

I simply nod, now unable to speak as I feel his hardness against my rare side, his lips reattaching to my neck and his hands slowly making their way down to my stiff member. He gently wraps his hands around my cock and I nearly burst, so unaccustomed to this intimate situation between us and so thrilled at the same time. Brian starts to work his way up and down slowly, and the feeling is so amazing I'm suddenly overcome with the urge to touch him and look at him and make him feel just as good. I turn around with determination in my eyes, grabbing his dick with one hand and pinning us to the wall with the other. Brian groans and I lose my mind, attacking his lips with mine and invading them with my tongue. His hand finds its way back to me, and his other hand squeezes my ass and brings me closer so our shafts are touching as we pleasure each other. This is the most incredible feeling in the world, and I can tell I'm about to cum.

"Baby," I say, "so close. Cum with me." Brian moans into my mouth as he kisses me again, fastening his pace as I do as well. We both cum into each other's hands and against our abdomens, and the water washes it off as we pant with our foreheads against one another.

"I'm really trying to come up with something funny to say but I think the brain cells I didn't kill with drugs are currently in your shower's drain." Brian says and I laugh into the skin of his neck, kissing it gently.

"It's fine, we can pick them up later along with all the shedding from your receding hairline." I smirk as I say.

"You're so lucky you have a big dick." Brian laughs. I am feeling particularly lucky right now. My best friend, the man I'm in love with, naked in front of me. What more could a guy ask for?

 


	3. Truth or Dare

**Brian McCook's POV**

After finishing our special "shower," Brian and I got dressed and ordered some Chinese take-out, settling on the couch to watch movies on Netflix. It felt incredible to have so much of what I had missed while being away; cuddling with Brian, stroking his soft skin, resting against his sweet smelling body and watching silly comedies as we laugh about the dumbest things. Only now, we would ignore the film every now and then to launch a full blown make-out session like a couple of horny teenagers that have the house all to themselves.

At around six thirty we got up to get dressed for meeting the queens, and I couldn't help but bring up a question that's been bothering me all day. "Brian?" I ask, and Brian turns to face me from the dresser where I always keep some of his clothes for a case of emergency. "I don't mean for this to come off in any wrong way but… will it be okay with you if we don't tell people for now that we're together?"

I half expected for him to be hurt by this, but as always Brian surprises me and answers "Of course it's okay. I was actually having a similar thought."

I was so happy that I go over to him and hug him. Just in case, I pull back a bit and elaborate. "It's just that what we have is so fucking perfect and I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that you're finally mine and I just want to be able to have some time to take that in."

"I know baby, I feel the exact same way." He smiles reassuringly. "I'm so happy to have you back and to have this new thing between us that for now I don't want anybody to get involved and certainly don't want anybody to harass you or make you feel uncomfortable with questions."

I'm so in love with this man. Whatever he does, he always thinks about me, and how things would affect me. I can only hope to be able to make him feel this safe and protected and loved. "So I just want to officially establish the fact that we have started calling each other baby." I smile, giving Brian a soft kiss.

"Oh honey!" He starts, and I immediately start laughing hysterically. "Honey, you best believe I'll find the most cliché and revolting nicknames for you honeyyyy!"

**Brian Firkus' POV**

I give Brian's hand a reassuring squeeze before dropping it to knock on Justin's door. I'm extremely happy we decided not to tell anything yet, especially given the fact it had only been 24 hours since our status has changed. For some strange reason, however, it feels as though this has been going on forever. Like everything has led to this point in time and it just makes absolute sense.

"Hiiiii." Justin says as he opens the door, and we are greeted by the sight of all of our closest friends. Everybody rushes to the door to hug Brian, not having seen him in months, saying how much they missed him. I'm overcome with such joy at the fact that so many people love this man and care for him.

"Okay now, let's not get too nice and sweet!" Roy says, being the first to break the cheerful babble. "The girl went to rehab folks, not to end the famine in Africa."

Everybody laughs as we move to the living room, some sitting on couches and some on the floor. It's amazing that so many of us were even able to come tonight, usually at least a few are doing this show or another. I have a feeling that they had planned this as soon as they heard about Brian's return and again I feel so happy that he has this circle of love around him, championed by myself of course.

I settle on the floor next to Brian, wanting to be even nearer to him but not wanting to raise any suspicions or unnecessary questions. After some laughter and cocktails, Jerick who has, as per usual, had one too many drinks, offers we play truth or dare. At first I think it's a terrible idea but Brian's "Yes mawma!" makes me an immediate supporter.

"Okay, first to spin the bottle is our returning queen, miss Katya Zamochikodivalilah" Aaron says, mispronouncing my girl's name so disrespectfully. I can tell Brian is super excited about this game and it makes me smile like the biggest fool.

The bottle lands on Willam and he picks truth. As expected, Brian asked the only question he possibly could. "Would you fuck this pussy daddy?" He punctuates the question by raising his long leg up and to the side, touching his crotch. What a slut.

"I really want to say that I would, but Tracy's muscles have grown bigger and I'm scared girl." Willam answers, and I blush before recouping and showcasing my almost existent guns. It was naïve to think no one would bring up our unique relationship during the evening.

"It's okay he's into threesomes." Brian answers, winking animatedly at Willam and at me, making me want to choke him but kind of in a good way.

Willam spins the bottle and it lands on Jerick, who picks dare. "Okay queen, now I know I always wanted to see if you can truly go full on whore, because everybody knows gingers are the craziest in bed. Pick a girl to lap dance hunty!"

"Well, a true friend always goes for her Judy's ex so…" Jerick starts as he sashays over to Aaron and starts dancing, as Shane plays tacky porn music in the background. It's pretty damn funny to see the two comedy queens try to pull sexy as they purse their lips towards each other and stroke each other's faces.

Brian is laughing his ass off beside me and I can't help but lean to whisper in his ear. "You look so beautiful when you laugh."

He looks at me endearingly before leaning back to whisper. "Bitch don't lie to me I'm the queen of ugly laughing, yes gawd!" I laugh hard, and we share a smile as Jerick's and Aaron's little number comes to an end.

The bottle now lands on Shane and he picks truth. "Alright, tell us something that has to do with you and at least one other person in the room and that we don't know." Jerick says.

"Well," The Aussie starts, "as we all know when I stayed over at Katya's once, the little whore tried to fuck her best friend with me 4 god damned feet away. However, what most people do not know is that the reason I insisted on sleeping on the couch was because I was hoping something would finally happen between them. And I mean, their make-out sounded pretty hot and heavy but sadly we all know there was no kai kai." When he finishes the story I'm a bit taken aback. I knew the people in the room were probably cheering for Brian and I to get together, but this was some next level shit. Brian seems as shocked as me, but we both laugh it off and flip the finger at the Australian queen.

The bottle then lands on me and I'm a bit scared, because Shane is known for pulling some shady stunts. I pick dare, because I'm really trying to avoid answering any heated questions. I'm a blusher after all.

"Alright, since I was in the deep dark, I want you and miss Russia to give me a play by play of what went down that night, fully acting it out." He's an outrageous motherfucker and I kind of want to back out, but everybody is wooing and cheering and I decide to throw caution into the wind.

Brian and I look at each other helplessly before we lie on the floor side by side to begin our demonstration. I close my eyes and when I feel Brian's breath on my ear I open them, exaggerating a frightened gasp.

"You know I can't let you go to sleep before I fuck you." Brian says, changing the original "make-out" and putting on one of his voices to give this a theatrical twist. I think.

"Just get it over with quick." I reply and roll my eyes, pretty much repeating verbatim what I had said to him jokingly that night, when I still believed he was only kidding.

Brian hesitates for a second before leaning down to kiss me as he grabs my face. This might be for a dare in a game, but our kiss is all real, tongues twisting and all. When we hear the queens whistling and shouting "Yassss" we realize we need to add a comedic element to it so it wouldn’t seem too real. We begin to make excessively loud moans and groans and frantically run our hands over the other body. I finally push him back a little and say "Sorry Kat, I'm not really feeling the whole grandpa fantasy." I say and Brian laughs and rolls off me. We sit back up and bow down to the cheering audience that seems quite excited about our little performance.

The evening continues full of jokes and funny moments, including Roy and Danny reading pornographic fanfiction about them to us, and all of us calling Michael to sing him his infamous Roxxxy Andrews verse. At some point Brian leaves to go to the toilet and I almost immediately receive a text. I smile as I see the nickname I had given Brian so many years ago pop on the screen.

 **Wifey:**   _Is there a way for us to get out of here so I could lovingly suck your dick?_

I blush instantly at his text and laugh to myself, replying _Make sure to grab your inhaler toots, it’s a mouthful_.

 **Wifey:**   _Don’t worry hun, your dad trained me well._

Brian smirks as he comes back from the bathroom and I look at him with my own knowing smile. "Alright guys, I've had a truly amazing evening but I need to take a ginormous dump and I'm too scared your porcelain toilet will never be white again." You can always trust my best friend to find the most disgusting way to announce his departure. "And since Tobey Maguire is my ride I'm gonna have to steal him with me."

I get up and everybody hugs us goodbye, telling Brian again how happy they are to have him back. He seems over the moon and I'm so happy myself to see him this way I could break out in song. A folk song of course. We make our way to the elevator and as soon as we hear the door to Justin's apartment click shut our hands grab one another and we entangle our fingers, both of us laughing at how ridiculously in sync we are. When we enter the elevator I don't wait even a second to pin Brian to the wall and kiss his soft lips, I had been waiting to do this all night. I'm beginning to think back on the time I had known this man and I nearly want to beat myself up for every time I was in his vicinity without kissing him. What a stupid waste, this is the greatest feeling on earth.


	4. Moving Parts

**Brian McCook’s POV**

We arrive at Brian’s apartment and I’m struck by how much I missed being at his place. Everything has remained the same - the video games on the floor, blonde wigs peeking out from the open door of his drag room, and pictures of us decorating his bookshelf. His apartment feels just as much a home to me as mine does, and without a second thought I head to his bedroom, still holding his hand.

“Tonight was really good for me.” I say, sitting on the bed and pulling Brian to sit beside me. “I was really scared that the girls would walk on eggshells around me and like tiptoe around the whole thing, and I was just really happy to feel normal again.”

“I’m so happy to hear you say that. I was just so grateful to see that these people care for you so much and to know that we have this group of friends that will stick by you through everything.” Brian answers, and I can tell how sincere he is being. This man always thinks about me, always wants what is best for me and can be so selfless it astonishes me time and time again.

“Are you glad we’re keeping things to ourselves for now, or were you uncomfortable tonight?” I ask him, really wanting to know how he felt because I care for him just as much as he cares for me and I would never want to put him in a difficult situation.

“On the one hand I am extremely happy that we’re going to keep this on the down low for now, because no matter how close we were as friends, a lot of this is brand new for us and I just want you to be as happy as I can make you and for you to feel safe at all times. On the other hand, all night long I just wanted to be able to hold your hand and hug you and kiss you, and I hated not being able to do it, you know?”

“Oh, I know exactly how you feel.” I answer, because I truly do. I couldn’t take my eyes off Brian all night long, and I kept finding myself reaching over and then retrieving my hands. “But, you know, there’s nothing stopping us now.”

“Words of wisdom Barbara.” He laughs, and leans to kiss my lips softly. There’s something about his kiss that feels almost coy, as if he is becoming extra aware of the fact that we are on his bed for the first time as a couple. Brian and I have always had different approaches to sex and sexuality, with mine being more open and fluid and him generally preferring to take things more slowly. I want him to know that we can take this as slow as he wants, and that to me he is unlike any man I have ever been with before. This isn’t about sex, it’s so much more.

I cup his face in my hands and look into his beautiful eyes. “Brian, you do know we don’t have to do anything right? I mean, I just want you to know that we can take sex off the table for as long as you want and until you feel ready.”

“It’s just that… If we do sleep together it will make this all the more real, and if god forbid anything happens to you again I won’t be able to recover from that.” He looks down as he says these things, and I can hear the pain in his voice. I know how much I hurt him during my meltdown and I never ever want to cause him that amount of pain again. I put my hand under his chin so he would look at me again.

“Listen, being with you feels like that puzzle piece that has been missing all along just finally slid into place. And I’m not good with words like you are, I want to sleep with you because I feel like that would be the purest way for me to express how I feel about you. Because I love you.” His eyes widen when I say that last sentence. We have told each other we love the other about a million times, and yesterday that we’re in love with one another, but this is the first time I told him in the most straightforward way how I feel inside. And I do love him. I love him with every old bone in my body, with every labored breath that I take and increasingly more every time I simply look at him.

Finally, Brian takes my face in his hands and brings our lips together. His tongue enters my mouth freely and it feels so soft and warm that I moan into his mouth. Kissing Brian feels absolutely transcendent. As our tongues battle and our kiss becomes more heated, Brian tugs at my shirt and I life my hands so he could take it off. Next, I take his shirt off, and as soon as I do he attaches his lips to my throat, scattering kisses like wildfire. He reaches down to my pants as he begins to suck on the point where my neck and shoulder connect. I’m in such a bliss that it takes me a few seconds to realize he’s tugging at my pants. I lift my hips so he could take them off, but he does one better and pulls them down along with my underwear. The next thing I know, Brian is kneeling in front of me and has my dick in his hand. He looks straight at me as he licks me from base to tip and then takes me into his mouth, and he looks so fucking hot doing so I nearly combust. Brian starts to work his way up and down my hard cock and it feels absolutely heavenly. I put my hand on his head and he moans his approval around me, sending shivers through my entire body. I feel like I have gone to heaven, but I want to touch and kiss him too.

“Baby, come up here.” I say, and I pull on his hands, exiting his mouth with a pop. I scoot back on the bed and pull Brian on top of me so I could kiss him again, running my hands all over his back. I can feel his boner through his jeans and flip us over so I could take them off, along with his pink underwear. I scratch his thighs as I come to a halt above his stiff cock, looking at him as I start kissing it softly. It twitches and Brian’s eyes roll back in his head, giving me the perfect signal to proceed. I take his balls in one hand and grasp his fingers with the other as I wrap my mouth around him and start sucking my way up and down. He squeezes my hand and groans, his other hand grasping at the sheets and twisting them. What an incredible sight. This is turning me on so much that I subconsciously start grinding against the mattress.

“Baby, come up here.” Brian says breathlessly, repeating my words from earlier, and I give him a final lick before kissing my way up his body all the way to his mouth.

“You really are a mouthful.” I say smilingly against his lips, and then kiss him again, because it's one of my favorite things to do in the world.

As we kiss, I can hear Brian reaching into his drawer and when I open my eyes I see he’s holding lube in his hands, understanding he decided that he wants to go all the way.

“Are you sure babe?” I ask, not wanting to do anything he’s not ready for yet. He nods and leans up to kiss me, handing me the lube. Knowing Brian as well as I do, I know that when he’s uncertain he becomes quiet like he is now. So, I decide to do everything as slowly as necessary so he could stop us at any point.

First, I run the lube around his hole and then I put some on my fingers. I first enter him with one finger and he gasps at the feeling. I lean my forehead against him as I enter a second finger, looking at the way his eyes darken and struggle to stay open. Brian grasps my shoulders and bucks underneath, signaling that I can start moving my fingers. I slowly work my way in and out of him and bring my lips to his ear.

“How does that feel baby?” I ask, kissing his cheek.

“So, so good.” He answers at almost a whisper, raising goosebumps on my skin. I take his lips and kiss him passionately as I start rubbing the lube on my hard cock, dying to get inside of him.

Setting the lube aside, I take out my fingers and he whimpers at the loss. I position myself at his entrance and look into his eyes for final approval. Brian simply grabs my face and crashes his lips onto mine. I start entering him slowly and he bites my bottom lip and groans as I’m finally all in. Fuck but I could cum right now. When he tightens around me I start moving at a slow pace, taking his hands in mine and entangling our fingers above his head. His body feels like home in every way possible.

“More.” Brian says against my shoulder, sucking there now, and I already suspect I’m going to find a few bruises on my skin that will take some time to disappear.

I start moving quicker inside of him and let go of one of his hands so I could start stroking his member. A few drops leak from it and I go mad, this is the most erotic and emotional experience I have ever had. I stroke him quicker as I feel myself nearing my own finish line, and we are both moaning and groaning loudly now. Brian is scratching my back with the hand I released and releases his other so he could cup my cheek in it. He looks intently into my eyes and says the words I’ve been longing to hear. “I love you.” That’s all it takes to take both of us over the edge and we cum together, moaning and kissing through the waves of pleasure that are reverberating in our bodies.

**Brian Firkus' POV**

I have never felt this way before. As an almost 30-year-old gay man I have had more than a fair share of sexual encounters, many of them with men I loved. However, none came even near to this. Making love to Brian felt like we have truly found a formula that breaks the rules of physics. Time and space ceased to exist and all that was left was me and him, the man that I love. Hearing Brian say he loves me sent my mind and body into a rollercoaster and I felt like I was suddenly possessed by a necessity to be as physically and emotionally close to this man as I could, to hell with waiting. It was like hearing music for the first time. The memory will forever be engraved in my brain.

Coming down from our high, Brian and I breathe heavily against one another and he lies on top of me, still inside me, catching his breath. I stroke his back and arms lazily, kissing his forehead and letting myself bask in the joy of what we did. After several minutes of silence Brian kisses my chest and leans up to look at me, slowly leaving my body. We both shudder at the loss.

“I’m just trying to understand why I ever did meth when I could have been doing this.” He says, and I laugh with relief, feeling now positive that he enjoyed this as much as I did.

“Well, meth won’t get his cum stuck to your chest and I will if you don’t get a towel.” I answer jokingly.

Brian laughs as well and gets up to the toilet to bring us a towel to clean up. His ass looks absolutely fantastic, years of yoga and gymnastics would do that to you I guess. When he returns he sits beside me on the bed and cleans me and then himself, and I can’t stop staring at him because he’s so beautiful in my eyes. He gets up again to toss the towel in the hamper and then a loud “You slut!” comes from the shower. I think I know what this is about.

Brian comes stomping back into the room, bare naked, with 3 dark blue hickeys on his neck. I can’t help but laugh and cover my face with my hands. I don’t think I have given anyone a hickey in the past few years, it feels so teenager-like. But I can’t control myself around Brian and can take very little responsibility as to my actions.

“Bitch I don’t look good in turtle necks! I look like a gay villain from a French movie!” He screams.

“Well, you could wear a scarf and look like a hipster Starbucks barista trying to make his way in New York as a playwright.” I answer, and get up to stand in front of him, wrapping my hands around his waist.

“Oh mawma, you’re gonna pay.” Brian say, and pushes me down on the bed, climbing on top of me trying to get to my neck. I squirm around and laugh, trying to get away from him.

“No! Please! I start tour in four days!” I say through my laugh as he tickles me. Suddenly Brian stops and I realize he must not have been aware of that. “I’m sorry, I thought you knew.” I say, and bring my hands to his cheeks.

“I didn’t... But it’s fine. We’re strong.” He smiles reassuringly. “How long will you be gone for?”

“Only three weeks.” I say, and suddenly understand that it’s going to feel like forever. We have literally been together for a little over a day hours and it already felt like a few weeks, so being apart for so long after we have just reunited is going to be pretty damn hard.

“Well, that’s a very long time, but we’ve done it before and we’ll do it again now. And I’ll be waiting for you here like a good Russian housewife with take-out and no panties.” He winks, and I hug him to me, so blessed to have this supportive man in my life.

We get settled into bed and I lie my head on Brian’s chest, holding hands together above his heart. When I hear that he is about to nod off to sleep, I feel like I have to say something once again.

“Brian?” I whisper, not wanting to wake him up if he had already fallen asleep.

“Yes Tallulah?” He asks, and I smile against his skin, knowing he will never cease to make me laugh.

“I love you.” I say softly, my heart filled with crazy feelings for this person in my bed. He kisses my forehead and squeezes me even closer to him.

“I love you too baby. Now let me sleep before I practice one of Trinity’s tucking tutorials on you.”

Man of my god-damned (twisted) dreams.


	5. Up Up and Away

**Brian Firkus’ POV**

I wake up with a start, to the sound of my alarm blasting off. Fuck! We slept in and my flight is in two hours. “Brian, baby.” I say as I shake Brian who’s sleeping peacefully and beautifully on my chest. Last night was an absolute dream. He and I were both upset at the prospect of parting again so soon after being reunited, and creating this wonderful relationship. Brian surprised me with breakfast for dinner, my favorite, that he had cooked himself. We ate a huge pile of pancakes with butter and syrup, taking dozens of pictures of one another and then a few ones together. We then played Mario Cart, the only video game this old grandpa managed to learn how to play. Then, we turned to the main event, hours of making love on as many flat surfaces we could find. Unfortunately, that was what has led us to miss the first few of my alarms.

He stirs in my arms but doesn’t quite wake up and I’m almost convinced to skip my flight and stay in bed with this beautiful creature here forever. But, duty calls, and I shake him again. “Come on you tired ass show girl.”

“Go back to party city where you belong.” He replies groggily, kissing my chest.

“Bri, we missed the alarms, I’m gonna be late for my flight.”

This gets him up immediately, and he tosses the blanket aside rapidly, exposing both our naked skins to the cold morning air. “Okay, no time to shower, let’s just make sure you have everything, jack you off and get you to the airport.”

I laugh hysterically as Brian fumbles around for clothes, not even noticing he put on my boxers and not his own, flailing his arms around as he makes sure all my luggage is zipped tight and loudly doing a mental checklist. I take my phone out and film a video of him, not minding the loss of another minute in favor of this pure crazy moment being documented. He’s crazy in the best way possible.

I get out of bed and put on my clothes and go to brush my teeth as Brian is brewing coffee for the two of us, singing intelligibly in the kitchen. I smile to myself and feel a slight pinching at my heart, so sad to be leaving him here while I go on tour. I won’t be gone for too long, only three weeks this time around, but it feels strange. Usually when we tour separately, we make sure to text and FaceTime as much as we can and I have no doubt this time will be no different. However, this time I won’t only be missing laughing around with Brian or cuddling as we watch movies. This time, I’m also going to miss kissing his soft lips lazily in the morning, I’ll miss falling asleep pressed against his naked body, I’ll miss joint showers that are far too water wasteful, and I’ll miss his laughter as I tickle his sides when he won’t shut up about god damned Contact.

I pull my luggage behind me and rest it at the entrance to my kitchen, going over behind Brian to wrap my arms around him, nuzzling into his neck and breathing him in. He leans against me and I kiss the back of his head as he pours coffee into two travel mugs.

“I’ll miss you.” I say directly into his ear. He turns around to face me and wraps his arms around my neck, kissing my lips several times.

“I’ll miss you a ton. But, this is what we do, and what we’ve always done. And this time we can take comfort at the thought that we can have phone sex.” He smiles stupidly, trying to comfort me like always. I laugh and grab my bags as he takes the two mugs and we go downstairs to my car. Brian is driving so I can check some final details on my phone. With my free hand I hold his tightly, occasionally staring at his beautiful face lit by the morning sun, and the purple marks that I left on his neck last night. I snap a picture of him and make it my home screen, so only I could see it.

We reach the airport and decide it’s best that we part at the car, seeing as Brian’s neck is still adorned with hickeys and that there is no way we would part without a goodbye kiss, afraid that a fan might take a picture of us and out our relationship before we’re ready for it. I turn my head to face Brian and he looks back at me, squeezing my hand. We both lean in at the same time and our lips meet, softly at start but then getting hungrier as we realize it will be three weeks until the next time we see the other. His hand palms my cheek and I’m already missing the feeling of his touch on my body.

“I have to go.” I say regrettably against Brian’s lips, pecking them again.

“Okay, call me when you land and send nudes when you get to the hotel.” He smiles, kissing my forehead.

“I love you.” I say, kissing him one final time before opening the car door.

“I love you too.” Brian says, squeezing my hand one last time before I exit the car and take my bags from the trunk. I wave goodbye at him through the window before making my way inside and he flips me the finger, driving away. Classic.

* * *

A week into tour I am already going insane. In the meet and greets, fans are always wearing Trixie and Katya merch, sometimes even dressing up as Katya, and I feel my chest clench with how much I miss being around Brian. The show tonight was pretty incredible and the queens and I decided to de-drag and go for drinks at our favorite gay bar in Provincetown. We get our drinks and settle around a table, toasting to another great show.

“Hey, Tracy.” Roy says, pulling me from the conversation I was having with Shane. “Trade, two o’clock, undressing you with his eyes from the moment we walked in.”

I instinctively turn to look at the direction Roy pointed to and indeed, a twenty-something year old is staring at me, winking as we make eye contact. I immediately turn my head back, hoping he won’t come over. If only I were that lucky.  Thirty seconds later I feel a tap at my shoulder and turn to see the guy looming over me, and I can feel the eyes of all the queens at the table turn to stare at the interaction. I’m known to be picked up at bars pretty much every time we go out, and usually I leave with the person, so I already know there are going to be some follow up questions from the gossip loving girls.

“Hey, can I get you your next drink?” The guy asks, and I’m very flattered, but obviously uninterested. He has blue eyes and all I can think about is how Brian’s blue-green is so much more special and beautiful than his.

“Umm... thank you, but I’m good, I’m with my friends.” I answer politely, hoping it would end at that.

“I can join you guys, I bet your friends wouldn’t mind, I’m very sweet.” He smiles down at me, and his teeth are not nearly as pristinely white as Brian’s. But then again, nobody’s are.

“I’m sorry, I’m just not interested, but you’re very kind.” I say and turn my head back to the queens who seem extremely confused at my refusal. Admittedly, he's a very attractive man, but I have my eyes on one very exclusive prize, who’s probably eating pizza in bed as we speak, far too many miles away from me.

The guy leaves, looking insulted but understanding, and I’m thankful that he left. Before I can resume my conversation with Shane, I get a notification on my phone. Danny, who’s sitting at the end of the table, posted a story on Instagram and tagged me in it. It’s a video of me talking to the guy and there’s a text that reads “ _Rare documentation of @TrixieMattel turning down trade_.” I look up to see Danny laughing and flip him the finger.

“What’s up with that, cowboy? He was hot as fuck!” Justin yells at me, pointing towards the general direction the guy left towards.

“I didn’t douche, so it was pointless.” I shrug, hoping that would be the end of it. The guys laugh and I’m relieved.

Suddenly, my phone buzzes, indicating I have a new message. Brian.

 **Wifey:**   _That’s my girl_

I furrow my brows, not understanding what he’s referring to, and then I receive a picture. It’s a screenshot of Danny’s Instagram story. I feel bad that Brian had to see that, knowing full well that if I had seen a video of someone hitting on him while I was away I’d probably be on the next plane back home. Instead of answering him I excuse myself and go to the toilet, calling him when I get there. He picks up after only two rings.

“Hi Tina!” His says, and I finally feel like I can breathe again, not even aware that I had been holding my breath until now.

“I miss you.” I say, closing my eyes and leaning my back against the bathroom stall I walked into.

“I miss you too baby, so very much. How was the show tonight?”

“It was really good actually, and the crowd went nuts during your Read U Wrote U verse.” I laugh at the memory. People love Katya so justifiably much.

“Did you do the sexy moves I taught you?”

“Bitch you know I know how to be sexy all by myself.” I answer stubbornly.

“Yeah, you are pretty hot. I get hard just by looking at you to be honest.”

His words directly at my ear reach all the way down to my pants and I can feel myself hardening a bit. My attraction for Brian along the years kind of fluctuated according to whether I was in or out of a relationship, given that he isn’t my usual type. However, now that I know how gorgeous he is all over and how incredible he can me my body feel, even the thought of just kissing him makes my pants feel tighter.

“What would you do if you were with me right now in this bathroom stall?” I ask, surprising myself at my directness. I realize suddenly I haven’t touched myself the whole week I was on tour, coming to my hotel room too tired and preferring to just talk to Brian, once even falling asleep during a video call. Now, however, I feel extremely awake.

“Well,” He begins, and I can hear the ruffle of his sheets, picturing him palming himself through his boxers. “The first thing I would do is pin you against the wall and lock your hands above your head so I could kiss your amazing lips.”

“Aha.” I say brokenly so he would continue, the hand that isn’t holding the phone reaching down to unzip my pants and slip them and my underwear down enough so I could wrap my hand around my shaft. I inhale deeply.

“Then, I would whisper in your ear that when we get to the hotel I’m going to fuck you so hard the receptionist 12 floors below could hear.” I start stroking myself at the sound of that, loving when he talks dirty like that. I hum again so he’ll know to continue. “Then I would suck on that spot below your ear that makes you moan, and you better believe I’m not stopping until I leave a fucking mark.”

I laugh at that, remembering all the times I had to stop him from marking my skin even though I wanted him to so bad.

“Carry on.” I whisper, wishing I could use my second hand to finger myself. Or better yet, that Brian would be here with me doing all those things to me.

“Then I would kiss down your neck while I slide your jeans and your boxers down. I’ll get to my knees in front of you and take a second to look at your huge cock before I take the tip in my mouth.” I shiver at that sentence, starting to pump myself faster and squeezing my eyes tight so I could imagine precisely all he says. “Are you touching yourself baby? Does it feel good?”

“So good baby.” I answer. “Don’t stop.”

“I’ll then take as much of you as I can into my mouth and start working my way up and down your dick. I’ll take your ass in my hand to bring you closer to me while I suck you and use my other hand to play with your balls the way you like.” I groan loudly at that, almost feeling as if he’s right there with me doing all those things.

“I’m so close.” I manage to say through gritted teeth.

“I’ll take my tongue and lick you from base to tip, and then suck right there so you could feel my mouth warm around you. I’ll take you in as far as I can again, and you’ll put your hand on my head to guide me on you as fast as you want it, and then we’ll lock eyes together. I’ll moan around you, because you’re so sexy and I love having your cock in my mouth so fucking much. Cum for me baby.”

As he says that I make the final three pumps and then I moan loudly, feeling hot wetness spread on my palm and my stomach on the part where I lifted my shirt so it wouldn’t get dirty. Fuck that felt amazing. I’m breathing heavy and the mental images are still playing in my mind.

“I love you, I miss you.” I say, still leaning against the wall with my eyes closed, suddenly noticing again the echoes of the music from the bar.

“Me too baby, so so much. Now don’t be a rude cunt, and send me something artistic I could jack off to while I cry about wanting you here.” I laugh at that and hang up the call, not before telling him again that I love him. I really fucking do.

I send him a picture of my hand rubbing my cum against my stomach, hoping it would be artsy enough for him, and typing a message that says: _This should be in your mouth_. He replies immediately.

 **Wifey:**   _This picture belongs in the Louvre and my dick belongs in your ass._

 **Me:** _You’re a true poet_.

 **Wifey:**   _Roses are red, violets are blue, your ass so fine girl, I love you._

My boyfriend’s insane. How did I get this lucky?


	6. Surprise

**Brian McCook’s POV**

These past couple of weeks apart from Brian have been difficult to say the least. On the one hand, we were both quite accustomed to being apart from each other while touring. On the other hand, we have never been apart while being… well… together. Last night I saw a video someone posted of Trixie performing and she looked so stunning, and like she was having so much fun, and I felt that I absolutely must be there with her, to congratulate Brian for being so incredible and so loved.

We talked after his show and he told me all about it, and about how he was thinking about me the whole time, much in the same way he has been on all shows this tour. I believe him entirely, because I know that I haven’t been able to take my mind off him for longer than thirty minutes these weeks. To be quite frank, even before getting together we were like that, constantly texting or video calling while apart, even tweeting to the world how much we miss each other. Brian finished our call last night with exactly what I needed to hear to make the move I so badly wanted to, telling me he wishes I was there with him. I brushed it off, telling him that it’s just one more week until we’d be reunited, and that I’m so proud of him. As soon as we hung up, I booked my ticket.

So here I am, standing at the side of the stage watching Trixie perform. She’s breathtaking. He, is breathtaking. My heart is filled with longing to have Brian in my arms and for his set to be done. The queens were all really happy to see me and not one of them found it odd that I came to visit Brian, because they know we have a special friendship that goes beyond the usual outlines of affection. They all said what an amazing friend I am, and that he has been talking about me non-stop this tour, and my heart skipped a beat when I heard that. It wasn’t that we could not bear to be separated, it’s that we didn’t want to, especially now that we’re exploring the depths of what we mean to one another.

Right before his set ends I run to the dressing room where the queens are chatting away, wishing he and I could have a more private reunion but taking what I can get. I stand against the wall, anxiously waiting for him to arrive once I hear through the loud speakers that he parted from the audience. The door opens and in front of me stands the most stunning human barbie doll in the world, clad in his favorite pink jumpsuit and wavy blonde wig. It takes Brian a second to process that fact that I’m there, and then I see his eyes light up even through the layers of lashes he has on, and he screeches loudly as he does when he’s excited or when I make him laugh especially hard. Then we start running towards each other and he engulfs me in his warm arms, lifting me from the ground since he’s wearing heels. I wrap my legs around his waist and let myself drown in the warmth and love of his embrace. This feels like home.

Brian squeezes me tightly to him and whispers in my ear “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I love you so much.” I whisper back. “I had to come see you.”

“This is the most beautiful moment of my life.” Danny says loudly. “Why don’t you ever hug me like that, bitch?” He turns to Roy.

Brian sets me down on the ground as Roy answers. “Because I don’t like you, assface, when will you understand that?”  

We all laugh and Brian wraps his hand around my waist, bringing me closer to him. “Get used to it guys, our friendship will forever surpass yours.” I smile up at him and playfully make my combo move and he joins me in it.

“Alright you saggy fags, it’s time to de-drag and hit the bar.” Aaron says as he walks into the room, having just closed the show. “Katya!” He smiles when he notices me and I go over to hug him. “What are you doing here?”

“Tracy forgot her favorite dildo back home and you know he can’t go to sleep without that thing, so he made me fly out here to bring it to him.” I answer cheekily, waiting for Brian’s response.

“Hey, a man doesn’t easily give up the best thing that’s ever been inside him.” He says raising his hands as if innocent, and I kind of think he’s talking about me so I let myself believe it and smile.

The girls all de-drag as we talk about the show they had and who got the best trade, of course not forgetting to mention the hot guys Brian has refused for no apparent reason. These bitches really were clueless, which only serves to show how we have managed to normalize our odd friendship in their eyes. So much so that they don’t even suspect a thing when I playfully smack Brian’s ass when he takes off his stockings.

“Y’all ready?” Willam asks and all the queens nod.

“Actually guys, do you mind if we sit this one out? I’m getting a bit of a migraine.” Brian says, and fuck I’m so thankful. As much as I love our friends, there’s nothing I want to do more right now than to kiss him for 13 consecutive hours and bury myself inside of him for just as long.

Of course, nobody finds it odd that he refers to us both. They all know that where Brian goes, I go, and vice versa. We’re a team, in every sense of the word. They all just wish us to have a nice evening and for him to get better. As soon as the door shuts, Brian spins around to face me and grabs my face in his hands, crushing his lips on mine. I’m a bit stunned by the speed that it takes me a second to understand what’s happening, and then I melt into him, grasping his shirt to bring him closer and moaning into his mouth. His lips must have been made of silk because they’re so soft and smooth, and his tongue roams my mouth like a burning flame.

Suddenly, the door flies open and it’s Jerick, shocked to have found us in this undoubtedly intimate position. “Fuck, sorry guys, I forgot my phone.” We’re both standing with our mouths gaping as he fetches his iphone from the couch and makes his way to the door, not looking at us.

“Umm… Jinkx?” Brian calls out right before Jerick leaves.

“Your secret’s safe with me!” He calls out, not even turning to face us and we both sigh with relief.

“Let’s get out of here.” I say to Brian and we both grab our luggage and make our way out of the club.

* * *

**Brian Frikus’ POV**

Brian and I reach my hotel room and I can barely contain my excitement any longer. Seeing him today reaffirmed every single feeling I have for him and strengthened my belief that we’re going to make this work. For nearly four years now I was battling with the way I felt towards him, going in and out of relationships that always seemed incomplete and that left me heartbroken and confused when they ended. Time and time again Brian was there to pick up the pieces, and unbeknownst to him, making me understand more and more that he is the one I truly want.

The fear of rejection, and of the ways in which embarking on any sort of romantic relationship would influence our friendship and partnership caused me to keep a safe distance. Then, of course, came Brian’s breakdown. Watching him suffer, watching him so angry with himself and with the world was devastating to me. But now, looking at him as I open my hotel door and holding his hand in mine, he seems happier and more full of life than I have ever seen him. The thought that I was a big part of that fills me with indescribable joy. I am so proud of the man standing next to me for wearing his heart on his sleeve. I know the anxiety eats at him, I know he’s so terrified of things going wrong between us, I am too. Losing Brian would mean practically losing myself and my whole world. But I am so beyond determined to make him know with every word I say and every action I take that I am his for as long as he’ll have me. Hopefully, forever.

We walk inside the room and I set the pink suitcase full of my drag from tonight next to Brian’s suitcase that he brought with him. It’s big, meaning he’s staying with me until the tour is over, and I couldn't be happier. I want him next to me always, celebrating with me all the blessings we have. I turn to him and take his stunning face in my hands, looking at his eyes fully for the first time in two weeks.

“I’m so happy you’re here.” I say, and he puts his palms flat on my chest, surely feeling my racing heartbeat.

“I was scared you’d think it’s too clingy and cliché.” He says, biting his bottom lip as he does when he’s nervous.

“Oh, it’s insanely clingy and cliché,” I say smiling, “but I am one hundred percent here for it.” Brian then laughs and closes the distance between us, giving me soft kisses and twisting my shirt to bring me closer to him. “Can we shower please? I need to wash the woman out of me and you smell like TSA.” I say as I break our kiss.

“Would you also like to give me the full pet down?” He asks suggestively, raising a now full eyebrow.

“Absolutely, but not a second before we step out of that shower so you better keep those shaky Parkinson’s hands to yourself.” I say as I walk away, taking off my clothes. After performing I need to have a thorough shower before I can consider myself entirely man again. And I want Brian to touch me when I’m all man.

“You’re so demanding these days Tabatha.” He grunts behind me, knowing this fact about me full well but still not pleased. It’s understandable, I’m dying to touch him all over as well, but as Brian and Brian, not anything else.

We walk into the shower and I’m in paradise; the warm water washing over me soothes my muscles that are a bit strained from the show, and the sight of a naked Brian never ceases to amaze me. During and after his time in rehab he picked up yoga again, and his body is more muscular than ever, his arms tattooed and his short beard blond and pretty fucking hot. We wash ourselves silently and I can feel his eyes on me even when mine are closed, like laser trying to penetrate through my skin. I see that he’s trying his hardest to keep his hands to himself, because his jaw is clenched tightly shut and he’s breathing heavily. I want to devour him. We both finish and step out of the shower and quietly dry ourselves. Just as I’m about to wrap the towel around my waist Brian speaks up.

“That won’t be necessary.” He says. “On the bed and on your knees, now.” His look says he’s not to be messed with, and it’s making the blood in my body bubble. These past few weeks Brian has shown me the dominant side in him, and I've come to tingle with anticipation every time. Before I went on tour he was restraining my hands, spanking my ass, lightly bruising me with his fingers on my hips, biting into my shoulder and even choking me once. It’s an absolutely thrilling side of him that I didn’t get to see as merely his best friend, and it keeps me on the edge of my seat whenever he touches me. I missed his touch on my skin these past two weeks more than I miss Buffy the Vampire Slayer. 

I obey without protest, walking over to the bed and getting on my knees. I feel the bed shift behind me as Brian joins me, and then his arms gently wrap around my waist. I lean back so I could feel the warmth of his chest as he starts spreading open mouthed kisses along my neck. I sigh and wrap my hands around his, entangling our fingers together. We’re usually not this quiet when we touch one another, but I think we’re both so caught in the pure joy of being reunited that neither of us can speak. I want to turn around so I could look at his face, but I know better than to do anything other than what he told me.

After kissing and nipping at my shoulder some more, Brian brings his lips to my ear, bites my lobe and whispers. “I’m gonna eat your ass a little okay?” I shudder when he says that, goosebumps spreading all over my skin, and all I can do is nod because he has taken the words from my mouth. We haven’t done that yet, and I cannot wait to feel his tongue on me. He carefully disentangles our hands and gently pushes at my back so I’ll press my palms against the bed. Brian starts kissing slowly down my back as his hands caress my sides, and I’m practically quivering with wanting, needing, for him to take me in any way he wants.

“You’re a sight for sore fucking eyes baby.” Brian says when he reaches his target, and I can feel it against my most sensitive area. His hands are now on my butt, spreading me apart in such a loving way a tear forms in my eye. He then presses his lips to me, finally making contact where I want him most, and I close my eyes so I could imagine what he looks like right now. Probably divine. Brian then gives me a slow, long lick and I can’t help but moan, throwing my head down with pleasure. He squeezes my ass and starts licking me with increasing speed, fueled by the noises that escape my lips. He thrusts his tongue inside of me and uses one of his hands to play with my balls. The feelings are becoming all too much and I need him inside of me 3 hours ago.

“Bri, please, just fuck me.” I moan brokenly, the words barely making their way out of my mouth.

Suddenly his tongue and hands are no longer on me and I’m seriously contemplating suicide. I hear him shuffling with something on the bedside table, and then the cap of the lube bottle opening. He’s back on me again and I thank all the nonexistent gods in the sky, one of his hands caressing my ass and the other using a finger to pry at my readier than ever hole. He inserts one finger inside of me and I bite my arm at the pleasure. Quickly, he brings another finger inside and slightly bends them to tease and stretch me. It’s working in all the best ways.

“How does that feel baby?” He asks me with the sweetest imaginable voice, working his fingers in and out of me with excruciating precision.

“Better than your dad ever did.” I answer, not knowing how I even managed a joke at my current state of utter bliss. That joke earns me a firm slap on my ass and I gasp with a little smile, inevitably saying “Bitch!”

Brian laughs behind me and with one quick move takes his fingers out. He bends down to give me a surprising and extremely welcome few more licks, and then when his mouth leaves me I can feel his tip at my entrance. “I’m gonna fuck you real hard now so you might want to get on your elbows.” Is all he says before stroking agonizingly slow into me, and I do as he says with a pleasure filled groan, because nothing feels as good as having Brian inside me. Once he’s fully in he starts moving his hips back and forth in tantalizingly slow movements, teasing me so I would beg for it, and gripping my hips like his life depended on it, trying to control his motions. I want to scream at him to go faster before I die on this very bed, but I settle for grunting the words out.

“I’ve had bobby pinks fuck me harder than that Linda.” I say, and Brian moves his hips back so only his tip is still inside of me. I think I’m actually going to cry, I’ve never wanted to be fucked more in my whole life.

Then the beautiful man that I love slams his hips into me, his full length filling me, causing pleasure and pain to course through my veins and I moan so loudly I’m thankful the queens in the rooms adjacent to mine are at the bar right now. My noises spur Brian on and he starts pounding into me like an animal, making unintelligible noises that only turn me on more. I missed the feeling of him inside of me so much, and I reach one hand behind to scratch at his thigh, feeling the muscles work under my hand as he grounds into me like never before.

“Touch me,” I moan, “please.”

Ever the most wonderful person alive, Brian reaches down one hand to wrap around me as other goes to my shoulder so he could have leverage to work his magical way back and forth. He strokes me tight and fast, and I feel like I just smoked 5 blunts and went to heaven. The room is filled with our groans and sacrilegious words. I can tell he’s about to cum and I’m so close myself.

“Baby you feel like heaven.” Brian cries out, his hips meeting mine with force again and again. “I’m gonna cum. Oh, baby.” He grits through his teeth and then he’s cumming, filling me and riding the wave while he slams his hips against me a final time. The feeling topples me over the edge as well, and I spill into his hand and on the sheet as I moan his name. I can swear I never came so hard in my life.

He falls on top of me after sliding out, sweaty as always and breathing into my ear. He intertwines our fingers near my head and I feel so loved and protected in this instant, like home is enveloping me, with his lips kissing the back of my head. Brian is home.

“Let me look at you.” I say quietly, and he lifts himself slightly so I could turn around in his arms. Brian looks into my eyes and all I can see is the purest love and devotion. It’s so much that I have to close my eyes as I lean up to kiss him, trying to convey with my lips what I saw in his eyes. We stay like that for a while, exchanging sweet kisses and words of love. It’s a dream come true and I can’t believe my luck.

“I love you with all my heart and penis.” Brian says against my lips and I smile broadly, laughing and kissing him.

“I love you with all my heart and anus.”

“Now available on itunes!” We say simultaneously and burst laughing. There’s no one else for me on this planet other than him.   


	7. Forever Baby

**Brian Firkus' POV**

It’s the last day of tour and like every morning this past week, I have woken up in the arms of the man I love. It feels strange that we were been able to make the jump from friendship to relationship so easily, but then again, our friendship was never an ordinary one. This morning we decided to shower separately, because we need to meet the queens for brunch and there was no way we’d make it on time if we shower together. After some languid morning kisses I went to shower, and now Brian is showering while I’m getting dressed. The thought of him naked in the next room surely doesn’t leave my mind, but I know that we have to try harder to conceal our relationship than we have been so far. Jerick caught us kissing the very first night Brian was here, and yesterday we discovered via text that our noises can be heard through the wall separating our and Roy’s room. “ _You two sound like national geographic when you’re boning_.” Was all he wrote, and upon reading the text we replied with a picture of us making pouty faces, asking him to keep it to himself. He agreed, of course, but this game was getting risky.

I reach down to my luggage to pull a pair of jeans and a t-shirt when I suddenly spot a red bag at the bottom of Brian’s luggage. I know that bag, it’s his emergency drag kit, in case he needs to suddenly whip out a new part of his costume or just a different one altogether. I decide, against my better judgement, to open the bag. Inside I see stockings, his black and white romper, black heels, a wig, make up, and all the other necessities, and I immediately wonder what this means. Brian has come to every show we hosted since joining us, and he seemed to enjoy every minute, but does that mean he’s considering going back to doing drag? Admittedly, it had been a month since he came back from rehab and he took his break from the business even much before that, but I worry about the fact he hasn’t told me he’s been feeling this way.

I think doing drag again might be wonderful for him. Despite the fact that being in the spotlight brought a lot of unfamiliar stress into his life, it had also been a great artistic release and fulfillment for him. Apart from that, I think it would be incredible for him to see again just how many people love him and look up to him, especially after being so bravely open about his personal struggles.

I close the bag just before he exists the shower and when he comes out, with a towel wrapped around his waist, I know I have to bring this up. “Baby?” I say softly.

“Yes dear?” He asks with his Barbara voice, going over to his luggage to get dressed. I’m nearly too distracted by the sight of his now bare ass as he bends down to pick clothes, but this is more important… For now.

“I noticed that you brought your drag kit with you.” I start, and his back tenses as he pulls on his underwear and pants. “Are you considering going back to doing drag?”

He turns around slowly at my question and I can see the cogs turning in his mind. “Do you think it’s a terrible idea?” He asks me, and I can tell he’s anxious to hear what I have to say. I get up so I could wrap my hands around him and soothe him by stroking his back.

“I think it’s a great idea if you’re ready for it. It’s our art form, and going a long time without making art is not good for the soul. Were you scared I would think it’s a bad idea?”

He sighs with what seems like relief and wraps his arms around my neck, kissing my lips tenderly. “I was scared it was a bad idea period. And I wanted to consult with you, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it, because I want you to know that I really am so so so happy now. I was scared to ask you because I didn’t want to find out that you think I’m not doing well, or that I’m not back to normal yet.”

“Baby you’re not normal.” I say with a smile, and I can tell it came out wrong because Brian seems a bit hurt. I hurry to elaborate. “Brian, you’ve never been normal. Neither have I. We’re workaholic cross-dressers, there’s nothing mundane about it. But I think you’re doing so amazing and it fills my heart to see you smiling and laughing and cartwheeling around. Seeing you do that on stage dressed as a prostitute would only make it all the more beautiful.”

Brian answers by crushing our lips together, and I can feel in his kiss how happy he is. If I could make him this happy for the rest of his life, I’d be the luckiest country guy on earth. He breaks our kiss and rests his forehead on mine, and I can’t help but scatter kisses all over his face. He laughs, and it’s music to my ears.

“Do you want to come on stage with me tonight? Do the final number together?” I ask once I stop the rain of kisses. His eyes light up and I just fell impossibly more in love with him.

“I would love that Brenda.” He smiles so wide I can count all 32 porcelain teeth.

* * *

Hours later we’re getting into drag next to each other in the dressing room and I can’t help but stare as Brian slowly becomes Katya. It has been a while since I’ve seen that beautiful Russian hooker, and I missed her so much more than I thought I did. She’s become an inseparable part of Brian, and apart from smoking, I love absolutely everything about him. Making the final touch by smearing a stunning shade of red, Katya stands in front of the mirror in all her glory.

“She’s a womannnnn!” Brian/Katya scream, and I laugh with joy at the sight of my man so happy and full of excitement. The queens are so excited to see Katya again and flatter her for the incredible fit of her outfit. She turns to me, expecting a compliment most likely, but it takes me a second or two to respond because I just want to kiss the hell out of that painted face of hers. Of his.

“Ah, cheap and sweaty, always on brand.” I finally say, and everyone including Katya bursts into a laughing fit. There’s suddenly more air in the room now, as if everyone was waiting just as much as Katya was to gauge my thoughts.

Before it’s my time to go on stage to start my set I squeeze Katya’s hand, and look into her blue eyes, ever more prominent with a black hue around them. She smiles at me, and like always, my heart dangerously twists in my chest. “Good luck baby.” She whispers, endearingly caressing the back of my hand with her thumb.

“See you in a bit.” I say and wink at her, making my way onto the stage. The crowd in LA is amazing, giving me so much energy and responding wonderfully to all my jokes, even knowing all the lyrics to the songs I perform. It comes time to close the show and I look to the side of the stage, to see Katya already impatiently waiting to come on stage with me. I smile at her and turn to the audience.

“Alright folks, in order to properly close this incredible tour, I decided to invite a very special person who is not only a convicted molester, but also my lesbian life partner. Please welcome to the stage the thankfully one and only, Katya Zamolodchikova!” The crowd goes absolutely fucking crazy at that, gasping, whistling and clapping like maniacs as she comes onto the stage doing a cartwheel and falling to a full split. “Ladies and gentlemen, give it up to the world’s oldest living gymnast!” I add as Katya comes to stand beside me, laughing hysterically. She grabs the microphone from my hand and reaches down to hold my other hand. I squeeze it to reassure her, wanting Katya and Brian to feel that I support them 100%.

“I gotta say, it has been a while since I’ve connected with the woman that resides within me and I must tell you Barbara, she’s a much better companion than the voices of anxiety and psychosis.” She starts, and the crowd encourages her to continue by laughing and shouting words of love. “So, this song goes to all you out there who are struggling, I hope you find someone even half as incredible as the woman standing next to me, who has proven not only that she can cry on national television an unreasonable amount of times, but also that she is the best friend anyone could ever wish for.”

As Katya finishes her heartfelt little speech, the familiar tunes of Waterloo begin to play and we easily fall into rhythm. This song brings the most beautiful memories back, of the beginning of our friendship, and of our Australian honeymoon where we did a little more kissing than is usually involved in a platonic friendship. The words of the song speak volumes, and I can see in Katya’s eyes that she’s lip-syncing just for me, and not the crowd or any of the other queens watching us. Our dance routine is silly and we laugh as we twirl around each other, pointing to one another whenever the line “knowing my fate is to be with you” comes on. Because it’s clearer now than it ever has been; our destinies are tied together in a way even an atheist like myself can’t deny. Everything I have done in life and all the hardships both of us have been through, together and apart, have led us to this moment on stage. As the song comes to an end and we make our final pose, Katya and I stare at each other and without planning in advance, we both lean in for a kiss. It’s been almost a year since I kissed Katya’s red lips and it feels better than it ever has, honest and real. The crowd expectedly goes nuts and we laugh as she grabs my hand and we run off the stage, making our kiss the final note of the show and the tour as a whole. It feels like poetic justice.

* * *

**Brian McCook’s POV**

Going on stage again after so many months felt absolutely incredible, and obviously, there is no one else in the world I would prefer to have done that with other than my personal barbie doll. After the show all the queens congratulated me, and fuck but it felt so good to just be normal again. Well… as normal as lip-synching to ABBA songs while dressed as a woman can get.

We all take off our drag and go together to a nearby gay club with good music, to celebrate the end of this tour that the queens were on for three weeks. Brian looked over the moon when we got off stage, and my heart was filled with so many feelings. Gratitude, adoration, admiration, love. This man has so many talents up his sleeve, is so caring, loves art and performing, is the funniest person I know, and has an ass that just screams at you to spank it. What more could I ask for in a soulmate?

As we sit down at the booth with all the now boys again, my partner in crime sits next to me and I feel goosebumps rising just being in his vicinity. Before we got together I used to get goosebumps all the time – whenever he grabbed my hand as he laughed, whenever he looked particularly stunning in pink and a blonde wig, whenever he looked at me like he would give me the moon if he could, and whenever he gave me chaste kisses, sometimes just in the privacy of one of our homes as we watched a stupid romantic comedy. Now that I know Brian has had feelings for me for a while now, I look back at these memories and paint them in a different light. I’m finally able to see all the things he was trying to tell me without words, in his very particular way. I love him all the more for being so patient with me all these years, and for believing in me and in us. He told me yesterday that a huge part of him knew it was just a matter of time until we got together,because what we had was more long-lasting than any relationship he got into. He said he loved being loved, but he loved loving me more.

When he told me that I shed an inevitable tear, so happy to finally come to terms with how I feel and so lucky to have this man in my life and in my bed. Our dynamic has not changed since getting together, only became more open, fun, and sexually charged. It was hard keeping our hands off of each other, because we both felt like we had nearly four years to catch up on. And boy were we making good progress with the catching up.

Just as that thought crosses my mind and I smile to myself, I feel Brian’s hand coming to rest on my thigh under the table as he leans down to my ear. “What are you smiling about?” 

I look at him and smile even bigger. “You. Always you.” I whisper, and he smiles like the goof that he is.

“Hey, Ross and Rachel! We’re making a toast, so stop eye-fucking!” Aaron shouts, and we all laugh, Brian blushing a little. I raise the glass with one hand and let the other one rest on top of Brian’s hand that’s below the table, dangerously high on my thigh.

“Alright dykes, here’s to another amazing tour full of good shows, good alcohol, and good tricks!” Willam shouts and everybody cheers, clinking our glasses.

“And the return of my favorite prostitute!” Justin adds, winking at me. Everybody cheers again and claps and I thank them, truly touched.

We all turn to each other and start having mini conversations like always. As I talk to Shane I can feel Brian’s eyes piercing the side of my head, but I can’t look at him now because he’s squeezing my thigh beneath the table and if I stare at him for too long I might just ravish him in this very booth, under the eyes of Jesus and Sharon Needles. The second Shane looks away I feel Brian’s breath hot on my ear.

“I think I’m gonna fuck you tonight.” He whispers, and I think the world came to an end because suddenly I feel as if every molecule in my body is exploding like tiny fireworks inside me. Having been together for a month, even with a two week break in the middle, we managed to explore each other’s bodies quite thoroughly I would say. However, I absolutely love topping, and Brian loves bottoming, so even in that respect we fit together like two puzzle pieces. I was wondering when the time would come for him to want this, and obviously I want to have him touch me in any way possible, but I was not expecting the line to fall out of his mouth in such a public setting. My breath hitches and my head spins to look at him so quickly I get dizzy, already being light-headed from the beautiful poetry that left his mouth seconds ago.

“In the pussy with a rake mom?” I ask jokingly, trying to calm my hardening dick that’s making the skinny jeans I’m wearing a bit too tight.

“No, just with this.” He answers, taking my hand that’s holding his under the table and putting it on his hard cock. Fuck. I instinctively palm him through his jeans and his jaw clenches in response.

“Who wants to dance?” I turn to ask the group, and they all happily nod and we get up, leaving little Tracy fully gooped and gagged. This past week that I’ve been on tour with them we had to hide our relationship, which proved to be quite hard considering the immeasurable amount of attraction I feel towards him and now know he feels towards me as well. That has led us to be a little naughty, playing risky little games that Brian has surprisingly initiated. Before we got together, I viewed him as somewhat reserved when it comes to sex. Even though he had a plethora of hooking up stories, I knew he was a conservative guy that preferred sex to be in a loving relationship. I viewed him as the missionary style type of guy, and god was I wrong.

The first time he surprised me like that was by pulling me to the bathroom of the club they were performing in right before he got into drag, just because he felt he had to blow me for good luck. We used to give a good luck kiss before shows sometimes, but Jesus this was so much better. The next morning at brunch I pulled out my cellphone, put it on mute, and showed him a video of me jerking off in his bed while he was on tour, watching as his cheeks turned fully red in broad daylight in front of our unsuspecting friends. The next evening, when a window of time opened where all the queens weren’t in the dressing room, he let me bend him over the vanity table and eat him out as he finished his make-up. We had a few more of these little moments, like chaste make-out sessions and strategically placed hickeys, and it felt so liberating and hot to be this way with Brian. It felt like a natural and exciting addition to our friendship that just made complete sense.

“You’re not coming?” I ask him with a smile, knowing it would be a few minutes until he could stand up again, as all the queens make their way to the dance floor.

“You’re gonna pay for this one.” He says, shaking his head slowly, and I laugh and turn away to join the girls. Fuck but he’s hot when he’s horny.    

As I make my way to the queens, I’m stopped by a hand my wrist. It’s a 30 something year old guy, all scruff and wide shoulders. Normally, he’d be exactly my type, but right now my type has shifted to crossdressing, Redbull loving folk singers and I don’t suspect that changing in the coming 50 to 60 years of my life. It’s a niche market really.

“Your hand looked empty, so I got you a drink.” The guy says, trying to hand me a glass of some gay-ass looking cocktail.

“Actually, I’m sorry, I have a boyfriend.” I say, and start to move away from him only to bump into the devil himself. He’s eyeing the guy with a look I’ve never seen before on him. It’s sexy and a bit scary.

“Yeah, thanks pal, but we’re good.” Brian says, and takes my hand so he could pull me to where the guys are dancing. I smile to myself at his show of jealousy, basically the first time I called him my boyfriend to anyone other than him, and he seems to approve.

We join the queens, who appear to be having the time of their lives, and Brian twirls me around and around as we both laugh with the boys. I feel so happy at this moment, surrounded by people I love and being a dumb dancing idiot with the man I love. I lean against him and bend over, shaking my hips side to side and twerking a bit, partially just to be funny and partially because if he’s gonna stick it up there tonight he might as well get a little preview. Brian jokingly (but maybe not so much?) slaps my ass and the girls all laugh, as I do too, and I go back to a standing position so we wouldn’t have a boner city situation.

When I get up Brian wraps his arms around me, swaying with me to the club’s music as we laugh with all the guys, who find our behavior completely normal. I turn my head to look at him, and under the dim lights his face becomes the only thing I can see, smiling and laughing all the while holding me tightly to him. It becomes too much for me, I feel flooded with how much I adore this person, and I have to do something so I lean to kiss his cheek, letting my lips linger a little. Brian smiles even more and turns to look at me, flicking his eyes to my lips and back up to mine. In the years that we’ve known each other and as our friendship evolved, we have been able to have communication that is post-verbal, sometimes even silently we could have entire conversations. As if mutually coming to an agreement, we both lean in at the same time and let our lips connect. From that moment on, there is no turning back, because once I start kissing Brian god knows there’s no stopping me. I feel like we’re the only two people in the world, and he must feel the same ,because he squeezes me even closer to him, deepening our kiss as he opens his mouth to let my tongue slide in. I wish I could say I have any form of self-control around this man, but once the tongues come into play there’s no denying that I absolutely do not. We kiss languidly, lips sliding, tongues twisting, eyes closed for what feels like ages. That’s why it takes me a while to register that our friends are whistling and clapping around us, and I break the kiss, suddenly aware of my surroundings again, staring at Brian who’s now looking at the gang.

“Trixya’s official bitches!” Is all Brian yells as an explanation before attaching our lips together again, smiling and laughing into the kiss, to the sound of the queens saying something about owing each other money.

* * *

Some dancing, PDA, and several inappropriate jokes later, we all decide to head back to the hotel, seeing as most queens are flying out in the morning. Everybody hugs us and says how happy they are we’re finally together, and Justin thanks us for his newly earned hundred dollars from their apparently long-lasting bet. Brian and I just keep shaking our heads at their behavior but smile nonetheless, because it’s so wonderful to think that our closest friends support our decision. Any uncertainty I may have had vanishes when I see that so many people agree that I’m right for Brian. I may not be the best person in the world, far from it actually, but I’m willing to do everything to deserve to be by his side for as long as he’ll have me. Hopefully for next few decades.

We enter our hotel room and Brian walks over to the luggage, taking off his shirt. “I can’t believe these bitches put money on us.” He says laughing.

“Well, we do make a pretty good team.” I say as I wrap my arms around him from behind, leaning my head on his shoulder and lightly kissing it. He turns around in my arms and kisses my forehead.

“Oh honey, we make the best team.”

“Oh, that reminds me!” I say a bit too loudly, as I suddenly remember something I’ve been dying to do. I leave his arms and go on the bed, jumping up and down, flailing my arms and nearly screaming in a sing-song. “My boyfriend and I are official! Tracy and Katya forever!”

Suddenly my legs are being pulled on, and I find myself lying on my back with a self-proclaimed legend and icon on top of me. The look in his eyes spells something between danger, lust and adoration, and it’s the most beautiful he’s ever been. The air between us feels like vacuum and I’m floating in a space that is all Brian. “Forever baby,” is all he says before attacking my lips, burning me with his desire, and still tightly holding my thighs, as if trying to imprint the shape of his fingers on my jeans. I bring my hands to his short hair, grasping it and trying to merge our lips and tongues into one because god, I need to be so close to him I can’t tell us apart. He moans into the kiss and bites my bottom lip, causing me to scratch his scalp a bit too hard. He doesn’t seem to mind, too absorbed in this kiss that might literally ignite a fire.

His lips start trailing down my jaw and neck and he sucks on a particularly sensitive point. I know he’s not going to stop until it becomes purple and it turns me on to no end knowing how much he enjoys branding me as his own. I’m at a loss for words, and I wish I could tell him to strip naked but the magic he’s working on me takes my breath away, leaving me to moan and grasp any piece of skin I can reach. Thankfully, my partner and I share an abundance of similarities, and when he sadly leaves my neck he says quietly, as if to himself, “Too many clothes.”

That spurs me into action and I quickly dispose of my shirt, flipping us over and attaching my lips to his mocha colored nipple. I fumble with the button of his jeans as soft groans escape his lips, going nearly mad with wanting to touch him everywhere and see how loud he can get. Finally getting the button open, I slip off his jeans together with his boxers, exposing a hard and fucking stunning cock, waiting just for me. I caress his legs and kiss his inner thigh, feeling him quiver under me. My mouth starts watering at the sight of him, but like always, I can't help but tease him some more. As I get right above his dick I give it a gentle kiss, and then go to his other thigh, starting my kisses and bites from the knee upwards.

“Oh my god, I’m gonna die.” Brian says, and I laugh and look at him, deciding to spare this kid’s life because he actually seems more desperate to be touched than I have ever seen. I grasp him in my hand and put the other on his hip to calm and restrain him, and he arches his back to urge me to put my mouth around him.

I obey with great pleasure, and wrap my lips around the head of him, somewhere between kissing and sucking it. He brings his hands to my cheeks, rubbing his thumbs lovingly over them and my ears, as if to say I can do anything I want as long as it means I’m touching him. The gesture is so sweet that it tugs at my heart and my jean clad shaft simultaneously. I then take in as much of him as I can, my lips meeting my hand. My lover sighs at that, and I start moving my mouth along his length, sucking and pressing my tongue against him as I go. I start feeling far too confined by my pants, and I take off the hand that’s on his hip to unbutton my jeans.

“Me.” He says breathlessly, and I open my eyes to look at him as he gets on his elbows to look at me. I know he means that he wants to take my clothes off himself, but I’m too addicted to his taste to be able to leave him, so I just continue sucking. “Please.“ He says, his voice begging, and I can’t deny this angel anything, let alone wanting to strip me naked. I give him a final lick from base to tip and then come back up, kissing his chest, his neck, and then finally his silky lips. He turns us around so he could lie on top of me and tugs at my pants and underwear, breaking our kiss with a whimper to pull them down my legs. He crawls back up, letting his hands guide his way up my legs and thighs and stops above my straining cock that’s already leaking pre-cum.

He then surprises me by flipping me over to lie on my stomach and I gasp. He comes to lie on top of me and I can feel his hard member against my ass, so I arch up to grind against him from below. He smiles against my ear, caressing my sides softly and whispers “What do you want me to do to you baby?”

“Brian, baby, you can do anything. I’m so yours.” I say quietly, meaning my words in every way possible. I’m his more than I am my own, and it feels so right. He has my soul, my body, and everything in between. The answer must be the correct one, because he kisses the back of my head, and then makes his way down my body, laying open mouthed kisses on my back and grasping my hips.

When he reaches his destination, he bites my right ass cheek, squeezing the other one in his hand. I laugh and he surprises me again by smacking the cheek he was caressing just a second ago.

“Hey!” I shout, laughing again. Nothing is ever predictable with him, no matter how well I’ll know this man.

“Don’t laugh when I’m trying to be sexy.” Brian says, still against my skin, kissing the place that’s probably slightly red now.

“You know what’s sexy? Eating me out and not teasing me like a cunt.” I reply, and the most beautiful man in the world answers me by spreading me apart and licking me with a tongue so warm it may have been dipped in boiling oil. “Fuck me.” I groan, burying my head in the pillow.

“Not yet.” Brian smugly whispers from below, attaching his mouth back to me and switching between slow licks to quick thrusts of his tongue in and out of me. I think I may pass out soon because this is so good, and I start squirming against the sheets, trying to get some relief to my aching cock, moaning Brian’s name quietly. He’s squeezing my ass so tightly I already know I’m going to find bruises on it in the morning, and as far as I’m concerned he can turn my whole skin blue and purple, the world is ready to know I’m his for life.

His mouth then leaves me, and he’s not touching me anymore, and I think I’m going to rip my eyes out if he doesn’t touch me again in the next five seconds. Luckily, he returns to me quickly, after retrieving the nearly empty bottle of lube from the nightstand. I think Durex has seen a massive spike in sales since Brian and I got together, so much so that it might be advisable for us to simply buy shares in the company.

I turn over in his arms and take his face in my hands, looking at his blackened eyes and gaping mouth. I wish I could take a picture of him looking this way, and print it in the size of a football stadium. No one in the history of the world has ever looked this beautiful. “I’m so fucking in love with you.” I whisper against his lips, kissing my man with all the passion and love I have for him. He kisses me back with the same intensity, sliding his tongue against mine and then sucking on my bottom lip. He spreads my legs wider and then opens the lube bottle to lather his fingers, never breaking the kiss. I don’t think he’d be able to even if he wanted, I’m never letting go of those lips if it were up to me.

I feel one of his fingers playing around my hole and wetting it, and then it’s inside me. I sigh and he swallows it into his mouth, pecking my lips over and over and over again sweetly. He inserts a second finger and I finally break our kiss because I have to throw my head back in pleasure as he hits my prostate. Brian works his way in and out of me as he brings his head down to suck on my clavicle, right next to my most recent tattoo, and I wish I could tattoo the marks of his teeth onto my skin as well. He then brings in a third finger and I lose my god-damned mind, screaming some unintelligible sound. He smiles against my skin and then raises his head to look at me, biting his bottom lip as he looks at me going insane beneath him.

I bring my hand up and brush my thumb over his lip so he wouldn’t injure himself. “Please fuck me before I commit murder-suicide.” I beg him, not in the least bit ashamed. I need him inside of me more than I need my next breath. It’s been a while since I bottomed, but his fingers inside me feel like heaven and I know his amazing shaft is going to feel a thousand times better.

He nods his head then, and goes to sit on his knees as he lubes himself. It looks pornographic, and I could cum just at this very sight. He then throws the bottle away and pulls my hips against his, lifting both my legs up and straight against his chest and shoulders. “Is this okay?” He asks, looking at me to make sure the position is comfortable for me.

“Perfect baby.” I smile, and he positions himself at my entrance. He smiles back at me and then slowly makes his way into me, causing me to squeeze my eyes shut because he’s wide and long and I’m going to savor every second it takes him to bottom out. He kisses my claves as he goes further and further in, making me feel so delicate and loved.

When he’s finally all in I moan loudly and twist my hands in the sheets, because he’s stretching me in a way that hurts but feels so good. I open my eyes to see his are firmly shut, his head thrown down, and he’s not moving. I think if he stays like this long enough I might actually just explode.

“Can we stay like this forever?” He whispers, raising his head to look at me.

“No, you need to move before I snap your dick off.” I reply, and he laughs, making me laugh as well. Then he moves back so only his tip is inside of me and all laughter is gone from the room as he starts sliding back and forth, causing the both of us to cuss. I have bottomed many a time in my not so short life, and I have slept with this man quite a lot in the short period of time we’ve been together, but not a single one of those times could compare to this. Tonight we have broken the last of the walls around us and around our own hearts, and him being inside me is the final one. It feels earth-shattering.

As he starts moving faster, he brings my legs around his waist so he could lean back down and kiss me. I’m so thankful, because any time his lips are not on me I feel their absence. We kiss with abandon, moaning and groaning into each other’s mouths, and my legs are wrapped so tightly around him I’m scared I’ll break one of his ribs. He puts his arms next to my head and I let my hands travel from his tensing shoulders down his arms, finally finding his palms and intertwining our fingers together.

“Wait.” Brian says breathlessly against my lips and detangles one hand, bringing it down to grasp my cock that I was until now rubbing desperately against his stomach.

“Oh thank god.” I breathe out, and Brian kisses my cheek, working on me quickly as his thrusts become harsher and with growing speed. Our hips meet again and again and the noises in the room are so erotic - skin against skin, grunts and every cuss word in the dictionary. I use the hand he released to play with my own balls, nearing the edge and seeing Brian is as well. “Brian, kiss me.” I say, licking my lips at the sight of the sweat gathering on his forehead.

“Always.” He says, and then brings his mouth to mine. The feeling of him inside me like a sword that’s splitting me apart, combined with his loving words and his hand that’s stroking me like a tight glove take me over the cliff, and I cum harder than I ever did in my life. I thrash and groan loudly, throwing my head to the side, and Brian grunts “I love you” in my ear as he cums as well, filling me as he thrust a final few devastatingly wonderful times.

He then crashes on top of me, breathing like he finished running a marathon, and I bring my arms to wrap around him so he’d be as close to me as humanly possible. After a minute or so he moves to leave my body as he goes soft inside me, and I shudder at the loss, feeling empty now but still full of all the feelings I have for him. He then reaches down next to the bed to pick up our designated towel, gently cleaning me and himself as he draws little lines on my skin with the fingers of his other hand. Tossing the towel aside, he comes to lie next to me on his side and I turn to face him, bringing his hand to my lips and kissing his knuckles and then his ring finger as I look at him.

“A year from now there’s going to be a ring on this finger. Is that okay for you?” I ask him so quietly it’s almost a whisper. I need to marry this man.

His eyes water and he answers by kissing me so softly I start tearing up as well. “It’s everything I could ever wish for.” He replies, and I’m officially the happiest man in the whole wide world. I bring my hand to his cheek and caress it softly, looking at his eyes and smiling like a freaking idiot. This barbie turned me into a puddle of rom-com clichés. “I want to go public.” He tells me, breaking the staring match.

“Bring it on Tracy.” I smile at him, and he smiles excitedly back, kissing me several times before he reaches over for his phone that already has a message from my uncle Bonnie Del Rico complaining that we sound like we opened a slaughter house in our room. He’ll manage, I’m sure. I reach over to my phone as well and we both open our cameras, taking a selfie of us kissing as we lie on our sides, our chests bare and our eyes closed with joy.

We both upload the picture to Twitter and Instagram with the same caption: “ _Accidentally fell in love with my best friend and fucked him. How’s your evening going_?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AND THAT'S A WRAP! Writing and re-editing this story has been such a wonderful experience and I would love to hear what you think of it so please leave a comment below! Hope you enjoyed it xxx


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